Start Here: The First Steps to Getting a Plan in Place
You've been thinking about this for a while now.
Maybe weeks. Maybe years. Maybe it's been sitting in the back of your mind since a friend's parent had a fall, or since you noticed something a little off the last time you visited. Maybe you started reading this series and realized you've been more in the avoidance camp than you wanted to admit.
And now you're here. Which means some part of you is ready.
So let's talk about what actually getting started looks like because I think you might be making it harder than it needs to be.
The Objection I Hear Most
"My parents won't listen. They don't want to talk about it. They won’t tell us anything."
I hear this constantly. And I understand it because I lived it too.
We tried everything with my mom. We threatened to pull up a dumpster and throw everything away if she didn't start dealing with her stuff. We told her she would end up in a home if she didn’t take care of her health.
We pushed. We pressured. We thought if we just said it the right way, loud enough, with enough urgency, she'd finally get on board. She didn't. And honestly, looking back, I understand why. But it’s too late for me to take a gentler, kinder, more loving approach, so that is why I’m trying to help YOU.
Nobody wants to feel like their kids are managing them. Nobody wants the conversation to feel like a threat or an ultimatum. And when we don't know how to start that conversation with love and curiosity instead of fear and pressure, we accidentally make our parents dig in harder.
But here's the thing I want you to really hear:
The plan is not just for them. It's for YOU.
You Cannot Control What They Do. You Can Control What YOU Do.
Your parents are going to make their own choices. They always have. And some of those choices might frustrate you, scare you, or not go the way you hoped.
You cannot force them to update their will or get a true estate plan. You cannot make them install grab bars in the bathroom if they refuse. You cannot guarantee they'll tell you where the important documents are or what their wishes are or who their doctor is.
What you CAN do is show up and ask the questions. Make the attempt and create the opening for a conversation, even if they don't walk through it with you right away.
And if something happens (when something happens) you will be able to look yourself in the mirror and know that you tried. That you didn't ignore it and that you did everything within your power to be prepared.
That matters more than you think right now.
Because the guilt of not trying is heavier than the guilt of trying and being shut down. Trust me on that one.
Forgiving the Gaps: Theirs and Yours
Here's something nobody talks about in this space.
Your parents did the best they could with what they knew. Maybe they didn't plan well. Maybe they made decisions that are going to complicate things for you. Maybe they're resistant and stubborn and you don't know how to get through to them.
And you have done the best you could too. You've been living your life, which is hard enough on its own. You've been carrying this quietly in the background, telling yourself you'd get to it, wishing someone would just tell you exactly what to do.
Part of moving into action is letting go of the anticipatory guilt about what hasn't happened yet and releasing the expectation that this has to be perfect before it counts. A plan doesn't have to be complete to be valuable. A conversation doesn't have to go smoothly to matter. Showing up imperfectly is still showing up.
This is actually the work I'm building into my next program. The CALM Family Guidance Program, because so many adult children need support not just with the logistics of planning, but with the emotional weight of accepting what's coming and learning how to move through it without losing themselves in the process. More on that soon. To keep them SAFE, you have to be CALM…
What Taking Action Actually Looks Like This Week
It doesn't have to be a big conversation. It doesn't have to be a family meeting with an agenda. It doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be something.
Start with the scorecard. If you haven't already, take the free "Oh Sh*t I Didn't Think of That" Scorecard. Two minutes. Free. It will show you exactly where your family stands and what needs attention first. That clarity alone will make the next step feel less overwhelming.
Grab the SAFE Plan Toolkit. For $37, you get the full step-by-step framework; checklists, conversation guides, and planning templates that walk you through your parents' home, health, finances, and future planning in a way that's practical and approachable. This is the tool I wish I'd had. It's designed to help you start the conversation in a way that feels less like a confrontation and more like care.
Book a Roadmap Session if you want to do this together. If you've been reading these posts and thinking "I need someone to just walk me through this for MY family's situation" that's exactly what the 90-minute SAFE Plan Roadmap Session is for. We look at your specific situation, identify the biggest gaps and risks, and build out a clear 30/60/90 day action plan so you know next best steps for your family.
And if it feels emotionally overwhelming.. if you're reading all of this and realizing the harder work isn't the logistics, it's you… reach out. Because that's real. And you shouldn't have to navigate it alone. (I haven’t even talked about the thousands of dollars I’ve invested in myself and learned about coming to terms with my parents, my life, and my choices!)
The Bottom Line
Something is going to happen eventually. That's not pessimism, that's just life. NONE of us make it out of here alive..
And when it does, you're either going to be someone who has a plan, or someone who wishes they had made one. And honestly, life is truly about the life in our days, not the days in our life.
You already know this matters. You already know you've been putting it off. You already know what it costs when families wait too long.
So this is me, telling you directly: stop waiting for the perfect moment and just start.
Your future self.. standing in a hospital waiting room, or sitting across from a lawyer, or trying to hold your family together in the middle of grief.. is counting on the decision you make today so that you have peace of mind later. .
👉 [Grab the SAFE Plan Toolkit — $37]
👉 [Book a SAFE Plan Roadmap Session — $249]
Nicole Porter is the founder of Your Parent Porter, a preventative guidance brand helping adult children create proactive plans for aging parents — before the crisis hits. Based in metro Phoenix, she's a licensed real estate agent, Gen X entrepreneur, and the host of the podcast "My Parents Lied to Me."
