Multi-Generational Living
If you’re in that season where your parents are getting older and you’re suddenly “the responsible one,” you’ve probably asked yourself:
Is bringing Mom or Dad into my home really a good idea? And if we do it… how do we make it work for everyone?
On my podcast, My Parents Lied to Me, I sat down with my friend and interior designer Chandra Vargas of Studio Vargas to talk about exactly that—multi-generational living, aging in place, and how good design can support both independence and connection.
This isn’t theory. It’s real life. It’s grief, logistics, money, family dynamics, and the physical reality of homes that weren’t built with aging or accessibility in mind.
And it’s also a story about turning a beloved childhood home into a safe, beautiful, multi-generational sanctuary.
From Fine Art to Functional Homes
Shandra’s path to interior design didn’t start with floor plans and tile samples—it started with fine art.
She was the creative kid who lived in the art room, went off to art school, and then had that “oh wait, how am I going to make a living?” moment we’ve all had in our twenties. That led her into interior design, where she found the perfect blend of creativity + function + problem-solving.
She interned at a luxury boutique design firm, worked her way up to head of operations, and built a serious foundation in high-end residential design. Then life took a left turn.
When Health & Loss Change the Plan
In the middle of building her career, Chandra got very sick. We’re not talking “under the weather”—we’re talking bedridden, on and off work, losing cognitive function, fighting to get her health back.
And then, her father-in-law passed away.
He left behind multiple properties, and suddenly her family was faced with a reality a lot of us know too well: grief, paperwork, decisions, and a surviving spouse with health issues who absolutely could not manage all of it alone.
So Chandra and her husband did what a lot of adult children end up doing—they stepped in.
They started learning real estate, managing the properties, and in the process, Chandra fell back in love with design. She offered her design skills for free in exchange for being mentored in real estate—and from there, Studio Vargas was born. Today, she runs a high-volume design firm handling 40–50 projects a year, from modest homes to multimillion-dollar properties.
The Childhood Home That Became a Sanctuary
One of the properties her father-in-law left was her husband’s childhood home in a quiet, mountain-view Phoenix neighborhood. It had been the family “safe haven” for years any time life went sideways, that’s where they landed.
After her father-in-law passed away, the house started showing its age:
Roof issues
Electrical and plumbing problems
A layout and condition that weren’t safe or sustainable for her mother-in-law
They faced a big decision:
Sell it and try to find a multi-generational home?
Or reimagine the existing home so Mom could stay in the neighborhood, with support, dignity, and independence?
They chose option two.
Chandra jokes that she loves “destroying houses and putting them back together,” and this time she really meant it. They took the original house and turned it into a true multi-generational home with:
An ~1,800 sq ft main home for Shandra and her husband (3 bed / 2 bath, fully self-sufficient)
A ~750 sq ft casita-style suite for her mother-in-law (1 bed / 1 bath, full kitchen, laundry, living area)
Same property. Same neighborhood. Completely new way of living.
Boundaries, Not Just Floor Plans
One of the biggest takeaways from our conversation was this:
Multi-generational living only works long-term if you design for boundaries, not just bedrooms.
Chandra and her husband knew they wanted kids. They also knew they wanted to respect her mother-in-law’s independence, privacy, and role as more than “the extra adult in the house.”
So they designed:
One main front door (for safety and simplicity)
A shared mudroom off the garage, where you turn left to Mom’s space or right to the main house
Completely self-contained living spaces on each side—each with its own kitchen, laundry, bathroom, and living area
Inside the home, there’s connection by invitation, not by default. Mom can shut her door and have her own life. Grandkids won’t be barging in unannounced. At the same time, she’s still just steps away from family, dinners, and holidays.
That’s good design serving emotional health, not just aesthetics.
Letting Aging Parents Design Their Own Space
Something I really loved: Shandra treated her mother-in-law as a design client, not an afterthought.
She asked:
“Now that it’s just you, how do you want to live? What do you want this space to feel like?”
Her mother-in-law really wanted:
A kitchen island (even though the layout didn’t technically call for one)
Her own cozy living room to host friends
A space that felt like hers, not like “the leftover part of the house”
So they made it happen. That island might not be textbook-perfect from a space-planning perspective—but she sits at it every night, and that matters more than any design rule.
And because she stayed in her long-time neighborhood, she kept what I talk about all the time in Your Parent Porter:
Her community—the neighbors she has dinner with, chats with over drinks, and sees on the patio. That social piece is just as critical to longevity as grab bars and wider doorways.
Universal Design: Preparing Your Home Before You “Need” It
Chandra and I are both passionate about aging in place and universal design—designing homes that are safer and more functional for people of all ages and abilities, without screaming “this house is for old people.”
Some of the smart, subtle features she builds into homes:
Blocking behind shower walls
So grab bars can be added later without tearing open tile. She even gives clients a map of where the blocking is.Wider doorways
So a walker or wheelchair can fit through later, even if no one needs one now.Curbless, roll-in showers
That look like high-end spa bathrooms, but can accommodate a wheelchair or limited mobility.Handheld showerheads at reachable heights
Helpful whether you’re 25 with a broken leg or 85 and want to shower safely.Thoughtful storage and hardware
So the things a person uses the most are at an easy height and drawers/doors can be used with limited grip strength or balance.
And here’s the part I want everyone to hear:
These proactive changes often don’t cost much more when you’re renovating anyway—but they can massively delay or prevent a forced move to assisted living.
The Bathroom: Small Room, Big Impact
When people think “aging in place,” they often picture ramps and forget the bathroom.
From Shandra’s projects, a basic bathroom conversion, turning a typical tub/shower into a safer, more accessible, curbless shower using simple, off-the-shelf materials might start around $10,000, depending on your market and finishes.
Now compare that to:
A fall → hospital stay → rehab → assisted living
Assisted living can easily be $10,000 a month in some communities
Suddenly, that bathroom remodel doesn’t look so expensive.
And it’s not just for seniors. Universal design helps:
Someone recovering from surgery
A teen or college kid who breaks a leg and comes home in a wheelchair
Any adult who wants to reduce fall risk and stay independent longer
As someone who lives alone, I can tell you—I don’t want to be navigating trip hazards and awkward tubs either.
The Emotional Side: Identity, Grief & “Feeling Old”
One thing that hit me hard was how many of Chandra’s clients resist necessary changes because they don’t want to “feel old.”
We talked about a client with a progressive disease who needed an accessible bathroom ASAP, but struggled emotionally with the idea of construction that symbolized decline.
Chandra’s answer was to design a space that felt like a luxury primary bath beautiful glass, thoughtful tile, smart layout while quietly baking in all the accessibility features.
The lesson?
Aging in place doesn’t have to look clinical.
Safety and dignity can coexist with style and personality.
What This Means for You (and How I Can Help)
If you’re reading this as the adult child who’s:
Worried about your parents’ safety at home
Wondering if they should move in with you
Overwhelmed by the logistics of health, home, and “what happens next”
You are not alone. This is exactly why I created Your Parent Porter and why I bring conversations like this onto My Parents Lied to Me.
Here’s where you can start:
Look at the house with future eyes.
Could one bathroom be converted to a safer, curbless shower? Are doorways wide enough? Is there a bedroom and full bath on the main level?Talk honestly about multi-generational living.
If moving in together is even on the table, talk about boundaries, privacy, and expectations up front. Then design around those, not just “where can we put a bed?”Invest in proactive changes, not reactive chaos.
A planned remodel is always cheaper—financially and emotionally—than an emergency renovation after a fall or health crisis.Bring in the right professionals.
Certified aging-in-place specialists, thoughtful designers like Shandra, and advocates like me can help you see options you might never think of alone.
Ready to Plan a Safer, Future-Proof Home?
My mission with Your Parent Porter is to help independent adults stay in the homes they love longer, happier, and healthier—and to give their adult children peace of mind instead of constant worry.
If you’re:
Considering multi-generational living
Wondering how to make Mom or Dad’s home safer
Or ready to be proactive instead of waiting for a crisis
I’d love to help you evaluate the home, understand your options, and design a plan that fits your family, your budget, and your values.
Because even if our parents didn’t tell us everything,
we can figure this out—one decision, one room, one chapter at a time.
Here's the full interview on YouTube @yourparentporter
